Today I decide to talk about men for a change because the focus is so much about the women even the focus of men is sometimes so much about the women that they forget to acknowledge their own existence , that is the problem men focus on women so much that they take every opportunity to celebrate gods most beautiful, mystical, complicated creation “women” but forget to wonder about their own ; in this context I thought let me bring about the most complex relation between men themselves which happen to be between a father and his son .I am dealing it in a singular basis to understand the dynamics a lot better at least that is what I am trying to do ,which is not easy by any means.
I have not chanced upon seeing it at close quarters as I did not have a brother but my mother had three so I can understand a lot from the equation my grandfather had with his sons that is my uncle’s .
My grandfather was very tall , very fair and had distinctive features ,he looked strict from his demeanor but was the most coolest grandpa to me almost like a friend to me .We had mature sensible talks and he introduced me into the world of books as he was an avid reader and a frequent traveler ,he told me about world cinema, literature ,arts and how arts fine tune a person making him humane instead of robotic .
He was very influential in crafting my thoughts and way of thinking, he quite modern and progressive owing maybe the kind of environment his job exposed him to, he liked to play golf and smoked pipes.
My grandfather though was very different with his sons, he was strict, scolding them to the level of humiliation which was quite painful to watch. As a kid , I did not understand much but as I grew older, I found it very weird as to why my grandpa who was the coolest person to me but just the opposite with his sons ? .
Then one fine day I asked him and this is how he explained his theory to me, he told me that he wants his sons to be strong not only in the physical sense but in mental capacity as well ,my grandfather was a very emotional man. My younger Uncle that is his youngest son was just like my grandpa, all of them were some way or the other like him but he was the most hence he was the one with whom my grandfather was the strictest .He told me that is the only way to make them strong mentally to make them responsible and he is just doing what every father does to make men out of his boys that is boys to men.
Also he added I may not be there with them to correct him or give them support when they need it the most.
So just to ensure that they becomes strong to face challenges ,failures, deceits ,manipulations which they will have to once they starts to earn by themselves, they he need to be strong and only a father has the power ,right and ability to do that .
I did not to be honest understand much or whether his theory and method were correct but the thing he said afterwards really struck me ,he said that they need to be strong as a son will be a husband and father in the future if they are weak how can you expect them to take care or give strength or stand by a woman be it their mother, sister ,daughter , wife or at least and most important stand up to himself ,by himself, for himself ?.
His words were prophecy as we lost him very soon, he was the zest and essence of our family and we miss him dearly.
So this is to all men out there who are sons now and fathers of tomorrow, I don’t know whether my grandfather’s method was wrong or right and also I do not understand the ways of how men deal with men simple as I am not a man but one thing I understood is that it is not easy being a man .A woman is more designed to be adaptive and strong ,she can deal with sorrow and pain as she has a good mechanism of catharsis as in crying, drama ,manipulative emotional blackmailing’s ,fabricating stories and women are much better in character assassinations and maligning than men it is how they survive it’s after all a Darwinian theory for survival of the fittest but for men it’s very difficult to lent out their emotions as boys don’t cry and hence men are not supposed to cry.
I will take the example of the literary classic Devdas by Saratchandra Chattopadhyay here in which the woman comes to terms with her fate but the man cannot. He was made to sacrifice for his family’s honor being a man which was his duty to protect, hence the path of alcoholism and self-destruction beautifully depicted by the movie of the same name so it kind of summarizes what I wanted to say, for a man to be a man or to graduate from a boy to a man that others expect him to be is sometimes very difficult, the transition from a boy to man is so complex and tough some still cannot manage to do it in their entire lives!!! , we have still good example of such men as in a Bollywood superstar who has blockbusters to his credit, who is 50 plus but has the brains and mannerisms of a child and is still unmarried. (I may draw flak from any of his fans reading this but it is okay).
So for all the men out there who fight silent battles and suffer in silence as it’s not easy to make your place under the sun especially today, it is very hard, very challenging so all your father did was just to make you be well prepared for it as he knows that better than anyone else and at this juncture I will quote Captain Jack Sparrow for those who are not aware of him he is a man of great wit and wisdom in the end
The only rules that really matter are these: what a man can do and what a man can’t do …………………..
Love and regards
The views expressed here are my own and do not any way generalize any notion or relation and do not claim to state a theory or generalization .The images do not belong to me are sourced from the internet and the copy rights belong to the respective owners.